It’s okay to want things
Photo by Juli Kosolapova on Unsplash
The advice…
It’s okay to want things for yourself. Whether it’s a new pair of shoes, a better job, or a happier relationship, having wants doesn’t make you needy or selfish.
Where it’s coming from…
Over the past weeks, this message kept showing up for me, from different places - and each time it landed deeply.
The first moment was while listening to Mel Robbins’ podcast, where she was speaking with Dr Becky Kennedy, a child psychologist and bestselling author of Good Inside. Dr Becky talked about how, from a young age, many of us are taught that wanting things is “bad.”
She gave the example of a child in a toy store who asks for something and is shut down with words like: “You can’t have everything” or “You’re so selfish, you always want something.” The message received isn’t just about the toy - it’s that wanting itself is wrong, that our desires don’t matter… that they are ‘bad’.
That hit me hard, because I’ve done it myself. I realised I was passing that same message down to my child: that it’s not okay to want things. Dr Becky suggested an alternative. Instead of shutting the child down, acknowledge the want: “I get that you like it and want it because it’s cool. Today isn’t the day, but let’s keep it in mind for another time”. That way, the message is different. It says: It’s okay to want. It’s actually great to know exactly what you want. Timing and circumstances matter, but your wants are valid.
The same message came up again at an event with Ken Attard, founder of Mindset Malta. And once again, when a friend shared with me a video of comedian, author and speaker Kristina Kuzmic.
So I tried it. I went to a toy shop for a gift, and when my daughter wanted something, I didn’t shut her down. It felt good.
And it clicked: I want things too. One of them is growing Woman Unclouded. And I’m not going to let doubt or guilt shoot that down.
Because it’s okay to want more. It’s okay to want things. And, in the words of Kristina Kuzmic… as parents we should never feel guilty for looking after the single most important person in the lives of our children - ourselves.