Reality bombs: Moments that shift your world
Photo by Morgan Sessions on Unsplash
As I look back on the years gone by, I can safely say there are moments I call reality bombs - those unexpected shifts that change life as you know it. They're the big transitions you technically knew were coming, but nothing could prepare you for how they felt. Here are a few of those pivotal moments that life has thrown… so far.
Moving from primary to secondary school
I have a vague, distant memory of this - the first school-related transition I can recall. What I do remember is feeling "big" at the end of primary school, like I knew it all. I knew everything about the school grounds, had figured out the teacher-student dynamic, and had found my place in the system. I belonged.
Then, suddenly, I was “small” again - shrunk down to size - and clueless again in my first year of secondary school. Damn it!
The end of secondary school
Another school transition - because school shapes so much of a child’s world. Leaving behind teachers, friends, and a building that had been part of your daily life for years is a massive reality-shift.
There’s excitement for the future and newfound independence, but also a deep sense of disorientation. Remember all those heartfelt school-leaving messages we wrote to friends and classmates? They were written at a time when we thought we’d never see each other again. Now, with the power of hindsight, I see that friends actually can remain in our lives: some stay throughout, others come back. Then there are those times went you bump into an old school friend decades later – and think they still “look the same”… doubtfully hoping that you too “look the same”.
Getting your period
I’ll never forget that day. I was 13. It was also the day I got my braces and my first (and only) detention (for running late for a free lesson). I had wanted to be like my big sister and get my period, but when it finally came, it was messy, painful, and overwhelming. Why? Why?
That day I became “a woman” (complete with a homemade cherry cake to mark the milestone). What really happened that day was that it marked the start of the hormonal rollercoaster – and, suddenly, I just wanted to hide by body... and cry.
Realising that role models are human
When you’re young, certain people - teachers, relatives, friends, partners - seem perfect. Everything they do feels right. You don’t only want to be ‘like them’, you want to be ‘them’.
Then, one day - possibly years later - you realise they’re human too. Could be something they do or say. Something you would have done differently. It just hits you.
While a part of you is disappointed - because, let’s face it, it’s nice to believe in superheroes - it is also comforting in a way, because it comes with the realisation that it’s okay to be human (you later also learn that it’s actually really brave when people show their humanity) and that some humans are indeed real-life superheroes.
The working world can bite
You think grown-ups have it all figured out - but you will soon realise that the workplace is full of the same personalities you found in school: the bright, the lazy, the kind, the bullies. Adulthood doesn't eliminate human nature, it just shifts the context. You have to learn how to navigate it... and be adult about it… whatever that means.
Time ticks
You heard it all your life – that ‘time is ticking’ but they were just words. Then, out of nowhere, comes a moment - especially if you’re considering having children - when time suddenly feels very real. Stoooooooop! Panic might creep in. The clock is louder than you expected. Action is needed.
Parenting is tougher than you imagined
We all knew, in theory, that parenting would be challenging. But you can’t understand the weight of it until you’re living it. It’s rewarding, absolutely – but can also be isolating, exhausting, and filled with moments you never saw coming... and people you never saw coming.
Because having a child in your life opens up a new social world within which there are some pretty amazing kids and parents… many of who are superheroes.
Hormones!
After the initial shock-to-the-body that your first period brings - hormonally speaking - as life goes on, you settle into your cycle. You learn to understand it, monitor it and start making sense of why you are feeling irritable, sensitive etc etc. There is a rhythm that you have learnt to live with.
Enter perimenopause - the prelude to menopause - and that rhythm is smashed. Everything you learnt goes out the window. There is now no clear link to your cycle that explains why you are angry at the world and why you see the slightest issue unfold into a tragic drama. This one is explosive. Boom.
Realising you’re ageing
Back to the ticking time. With all the above, comes the final bomb (so far): you - and the loved ones around you - are ageing. What surprises me about this is that it’s so obvious. All our lives we see babies and old people. We know the facts about the cycle of life. But for a long time, we just don’t see it. Until we do.
It comes at you like a wave that makes its way through the blindingly hectic pace of life - and hits you in the face, forcing you to open your eyes. This is unpleasant but has to be embraced. It’s not fun looking in the mirror and seeing (after removing your specs because something strange is going on with your eyesight) how your body is changing - hair, skin texture, and weird bloating, amongst others. Even your personality feels like it's taken a hit – away from the ‘carefree’ and more towards the ‘cynical’.
I blame these reality bombs.
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