‘The signs were there’. A mum opens up about the urgent need for mental health awareness in parenting.

Before you read, a note of care: This article discusses sensitive topics, including suicide, self-harm, and issues involving children, which some readers may find upsetting. Your wellbeing is important. Please take a moment to consider whether you're in the right space to engage with this content. If you are feeling vulnerable, it’s okay to step away - and if you need support, please reach out to a mental health professional or a crisis support service. You are not alone.

When Daphne’s teenage son began isolating himself in his room, crying for no obvious reason and refusing to get out of bed, Daphne initially dismissed it as typical adolescent mood swings.

She wasn’t prepared for what followed - first self-harming, then attempted suicide. Looking back now, Daphne recognises that the signs were there all along. But at the time, she didn’t know what she was looking at.

That’s why she’s sharing her story anonymously (names and details are changed) - to protect her son - now in his 20s - and raise awareness among other parents that mental health is a crucial part of parenting.

Daphne is not alone.

Hundreds of parents in Malta are navigating similar challenges. According to a 2023 report, around 16,000 children and adolescents on the island show signs of mental health issues, and 15% meet the criteria for a diagnosed mental disorder.

This theme is at the heart of a new course by MyMama in collaboration with Richmond Foundation. Titled Supporting Your Child’s Mental Health, the four-hour session will be led by forensic psychology practitioner Deborah Francalanza, who brings years of experience in child psychology and mental health.

Help is out there

Celine Baldacchino, assistant manager of the Psychological Support Services within Richmond Foundation, says the age at which young people experience mental health issues is dropping in Malta in line with international trends. Teens are seeking help more often, especially during stressful periods like exams or major life transitions.

The most common issues faced by teens are related to stress, feelings of anxiety, feeling low, and difficulties navigating relationships – whether romantic, friendships or family dynamics with parents and/or siblings.

“Many teens also grapple with feelings of loneliness, which can intensify when they feel misunderstood or unsupported. We also see challenges related to neurodiversity, such as behavioural difficulties in children with autism or ADHD, which often lead parents to seek additional support,” she said.

There are signs to watch for: withdrawal from friends, changes in sleeping or eating patterns, irritability, sudden academic decline, or expressions of hopelessness.

If a child’s behaviour affects their daily life, school, or relationships, it’s time to ask for help. And even if things seem “mild,” parents can still reach out for advice or guidance, she says.

Support is available through helplines, therapy, or speaking with a doctor. Mental health professionals are there to help both the child and the parents, offering guidance on how to connect and support their child better (see details below).

Daphne’s story

Daphne – like many parents whose child is going through mental health challenges - was blindsided.

Her son, Luke, was always the quiet and reserved type. When he entered his teens, his parents began to notice he was becoming more withdrawn and quiet, and they encouraged him to go to counselling. It was the counsellor who eventually told them that Luke had been self-harming. He had managed to keep it a secret for several months, hiding the cuts under long sleeves.

Then one night, while Daphne was asleep, the unimaginable happened. Daphne was woken up in the middle of the night to find that her son had attempted suicide. It was no accident. There was a note that made that very clear.

“He had planned it,” Daphne says adding: “What followed was incredibly difficult… we were completely blindsided. We had no idea.”

Luke was immediately admitted to the Young People’s Unit (YPU), within the psychiatric hospital, a place unfamiliar to all of them. “The staff there are truly wonderful but severely under-resourced. In hindsight, I’m not sure that the environment was supportive to his mental health recovery,” she adds.

Looking back, the signs were there

“Once Luke was back home, he went through phases of appearing to get better, but he was not – not yet.”

Daphne and her husband needed support to pull through. They were both crumbling as they focused on supporting their child and attempted to get on with work and daily life.

“We’re told to respect their space, but I’ve learned I’d rather be the overbearing mum, than the one who missed something crucial. Because one post, one comment, one video can ‘inspire’ something.”

She pauses before continuing: “There’s this overwhelming guilt… trying to figure out what we did wrong. But it’s not about blame. It’s about understanding that this was a mental health crisis.

“You think that, if you just do everything right, things will get better. But that’s not always the case. We had to wrap our head around the fact that our son believed that suicide was his best option. We were practically just focusing on keeping him alive,” she continues.

“Looking back now, I realise just how unprepared we were as parents. And how little we knew about the help and support systems that actually exist.”

“It was difficult for all of us. We didn’t know what to expect or what was happening. If he was out of our sight, we’d be subconsciously waiting for a phone call. Learning how to deal with it has been a whole process - especially for us, his parents.

“We had to learn how to handle his pain, how to respond, how to support him without pushing too hard. Looking back now, I realise just how unprepared we were as parents. And how little we knew about the help and support systems that actually exist, for our child and for us as parents… our world was literally turned upside down,” she says.

Social media was his ‘inspiration’

One of the biggest wake-up calls came when Daphne went through Luke’s social media.

“As parents, we need to be more aware of what our kids are watching, what they’re following. On his socials, I found content about self-harm and suicide - those were his inspiration.”

She touches on a deep conflict many parents face - wanting to give their children space and privacy while also knowing how dangerous that privacy can be.

“We’re told to respect their space, but I’ve learned I’d rather be the overbearing mum, than the one who missed something crucial. Because one post, one comment, one video can ‘inspire’ something. And the algorithms feed it, pushing more and more content their way”

Learning about child and adolescent mental health

Donna Cardona, founder of MyMama, emphasises that mental health awareness amongst parents is still lacking, as many of us assume mental health issues are ‘adult’ problems.

“As parents, we often focus on physical development, being more concerned that our children are hitting those milestones, and doing well at school. But our kids’ mental wellbeing should be prioritised, and certainly not shrugged off as ‘just a phase that they’ll get over’.

“We’ve joined forces with Richmond Foundation who will be delivering a course focused on equipping parents with knowledge on how children and adolescents develop psychologically and emotionally.

“We’ll explore various mental health challenges including anxiety, depression, eating disorders, substance abuse, self-harm, and suicide. The goal is to arm parents with practical strategies and clear guidance on the signs to look out for, and when and where to seek professional support in Malta. Hand on heart, this is an excellent resource for any parent-to-be or parent of kids 0-18 years old,” she says.

For more information about the MyMama mental health course, or to sign up, click here.

Richmond Foundation’s support

Helpline 1770. This helpline is free and available to anyone experiencing mental health challenges. Professionals provide both emotional support and practical guidance.

OLLI Chat. The online chat OLLI.Chat is available for free to anyone experiencing mental health difficulties. Here you can share how you’re feeling with one a mental wellbeing support team member.

Both services are offered from Monday to Friday from 8am to 8pm, and on Saturdays until 4pm. After this time, you can contact 1579, the mental health services helpline.

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