Why can’t I focus anymore? Here’s what’s overloading your mind
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash
My mind has a mind of its own. It does not stay where I want it to stay.
Whenever I try to focus on one thing, it veers off track - looping into multiple detours of completely unrelated thoughts.
Take my drive to work, for example. I’ll put on a song or a podcast and tell myself I’m really going to listen this time. Focus. Be present. But barely two beats in, I’m already somewhere else - thinking about what I’ll cook that evening, how I’ll juggle my day, the school gift I still need to sort, or the next theme for Woman Unclouded.
Then I catch myself, press restart, and try again. This can happen an embarrassing number of times before I actually listen to the song.
Focus has become a bit of a coveted word - one I struggle to hold onto. Sometimes it feels like my mind has grown into a deep dark hole... and I get lost in it - like there are too many tabs open at once, all demanding attention.
So, armed with the belief - or at least the hope - that I can’t be the only one, I went looking for answers to this question: What’s actually happening to our focus - and is there a way to get it back?
According to clinical psychologist Emma Micallef-Konewko, the answer is both reassuring and, in some ways, inevitable. There seems to be a kind of life cycle when it comes to a woman’s ability to focus - something that shifts as we move through different phases of life, take on more roles, and carry more mental load.
In other words, it’s not just in our heads… even if that’s exactly where it feels like the problem lives.
And Emma speaks from both professional and deeply personal experience: “I say this both as a working mum who has now entered her 40s - who sometimes walks into a room and forgets why she’s there,” she says as she goes on to answer my questions.
A brain under pressure
Emma explains that in our 20s, focus often feels easier. Not because we’re better at it, but because life is simpler. We tend to have fewer roles, fewer people depending on us and, consequently, fewer mental tabs open.
Then in our 30s, life tends to step up a gear. We move higher up the job ladder and our careers get more demanding. Many women also become mums, partners and carers.
“Rather than seeing this as a decline in our ability to focus, I see it as a brain under pressure, trying to adapt to a much heavier load as we get older.”
- Emma Micallef-Konewko
So we become managers of households, schedules, and emotions - and suddenly our brain is required to do a thousand things at once. So whilst our focus doesn’t disappear, it becomes harder to hold onto, she says.
In our late 30s and 40s, hormonal changes start entering the picture too - often earlier than we expect. Perimenopause and menopause can bring on sleep changes, energy dips, and what many women describe as “brain fog” (or feeling mentally slower). This can be scary and frustrating, especially for women who’ve always experienced themselves as being capable and high-functioning.
“Rather than seeing this as a decline in our ability to focus, I see it as a brain under pressure, trying to adapt to a much heavier load as we get older,” says Emma, who is a registered supervisor, senior visiting lecturer at the University of Malta, and Talking Therapy Place co-founder.
Okay, so now that we know that this is something that happens. What are the key things that impact focus? And how can we manage them?
Emma explains that, from her clinical work and personal life, there are a range of key things that stand out. “There isn’t one magic fix for focus. What tends to help most is a series of small, realistic adjustments that reduce pressure on the brain rather than adding more demands.” She breaks it down into the key issues and how we can help:
Mental load
Women carry an enormous amount of invisible thinking: remembering, planning, anticipating, worrying. Even when we’re “resting,” very often our brain isn’t. This constant background processing uses up cognitive resources, leaving less mental space available for sustained attention and focus.
What helps? One of the most helpful shifts is getting things out of your head. Writing lists, using reminders, sharing responsibility where possible, and letting go of the idea that you have to remember everything yourself can make a real difference. Many women also find it helpful to set aside a regular time, for example each evening or on a Sunday, to plan the next day or the week ahead. This gives the brain permission to rest rather than constantly running through what still needs to be done.
Sleep (or lack of it)
Broken or poor-quality sleep has a huge impact on attention, memory, and patience. Sleep is when the brain resets and consolidates information. Without it, concentration becomes harder and mental clarity drops.
What helps? We often underestimate how much poor sleep affects attention. One common trap I see in myself, in friends, and in clients is staying up late once caring responsibilities are over, just to have some much-needed “alone time”. While this is completely understandable, it can come at a cost to focus the next day. Where possible, it can help to create small pockets of this time earlier in the day or evening, so that rest does not always have to be sacrificed to get space for yourself.
Hormones
This is still really underestimated. Hormonal fluctuations can, and do, directly affect attention, motivation, and mental clarity, as they influence brain systems involved in energy regulation, focus, and emotional balance.
What helps? Awareness matters here. Tracking patterns, noticing when focus dips at certain times, and adjusting expectations accordingly can be incredibly validating. For some women, speaking to a GP or gynaecologist also becomes an important part of managing attention and energy more effectively.
Stress and emotional pressure
When your nervous system is constantly switched on, focus becomes a luxury. Under stress, the brain prioritises coping and threat-management, rather than concentration, which makes it harder to stay mentally present and focused.
What helps? When stress is high, focus will suffer. That’s not a personal failure -m it’s biology. Therapy can help by creating space to offload, regulate emotions, and calm a nervous system that has been in high-gear for too long. Exercise is also worth mentioning here. Regular movement has been consistently shown to support attention, concentration, and overall cognitive functioning.
Undiagnosed ADHD
This is something I am seeing more and more in my clinical practice. ADHD directly affects the brain’s ability to regulate attention, organisation, and mental effort. Many women reach their 30s or 40s before realising they’ve always struggled with focus. They were simply very good at masking it. Hormonal changes and increased responsibility often bring these difficulties to the surface, making previously helpful long-standing workarounds less effective.
What helps? When focus difficulties have been going on for a long time, rather than being more sudden and recent, assessment can be worth considering and exploring. Many women reach their 30s or 40s before realising they have always struggled with attention - they were simply very good at masking it and finding ways to compensate. Having a holistic ADHD assessment, which includes neuropsychological testing, can be particularly helpful. Whether or not an ADHD diagnosis is made, understanding how your attention works allows for more targeted and compassionate strategies. It is also important to seek professionals who are familiar with how ADHD can present in women, as it can look different to the more traditional, male-based descriptions many people are familiar with.
Constant stimulation
We live in a world of notifications, messages, tabs, and noise. Our brains were never designed for this level of input - constant switching and stimulation reduce the brain’s ability to settle, making it harder to get the downtime needed to restore attention and focus.
What helps? We don’t need to remove technology completely, but we do need breaks from it. Reducing notifications, using pop-up notification blockers, and creating protected periods of single-tasking can all help. Tools such as Freedom or Forest are examples of apps some people find useful in reducing digital noise and supporting sustained attention.
Focusing on support
I have another question for Emma. Is there a message she has for women who – like me – are struggling with brain fog, or concentration? And she certainly does:
“If you’re struggling to focus, it doesn’t mean you’re lazy, failing, or ‘not coping as well as everyone else’. More often, it means you’ve been coping for a very long time. Focus difficulties are often a sign of overload, change, or unmet needs - not a personal flaw. And you don’t need to wait until things feel unmanageable to seek support.
“Support can take many forms. Sometimes it’s therapy or increasing exercise or self-care practices. Sometimes it’s an assessment that brings clarity. Sometimes it’s changes at home and/or work, or better understanding from partners and/or employers.
“And sometimes it’s simply being kinder to yourself and adjusting expectations to fit the stage of life you’re at now. The key message is this: struggling with focus is not a weakness - it’s information. And when we listen to it, rather than fight it, things really can improve,” she kindly says.
Phew.