Joy in the noticing. How emotional intelligence can help you see happiness.
Natalie Kenely
“Joy is not found in having more, but in noticing more.” That line stopped me in my tracks when I read it. Because isn’t that what so many of us get wrong?
We chase joy like it lives in the next achievement, the next purchase, the next big thing – all while the moments that could fill our hearts, quietly pass us by.
I want to be clear: I’m not saying that life is free of challenges, that hardships and loss don’t exist, or that joy is always easy to find. Life can rob us of joy, and it can hurt. But even in the midst of difficulties, there are moments – however small – that can remind us of beauty, love, and connection. Noticing them doesn’t erase the hard stuff, but it does help us move through it with more awareness and presence.
I’ve been learning, slowly, to live differently. To live with more awareness, more gratitude, more presence. Emotional intelligence – the ability to notice what’s happening inside and around us – has been my guide. And it’s showing me that joy isn’t something I have to go looking for. It’s been here all along. I just need to pay more attention.
The smile that stopped me
Just the other day, my granddaughter – now six months old – looked up at me and broke into a smile of recognition.
“I can’t describe the joy that filled my heart in that split second. It was simple, it was fleeting – and it was everything.”
The kind that lights up her whole face, that says: “Oh, it’s you. I know you. You belong to me.” I can’t describe the joy that filled my heart in that split second. It was simple, it was fleeting – and it was everything. If I had been rushing, if my mind had been on the next thing, I might have missed it. But because I was present, because I was noticing, I got to hold that moment close.
It struck me then: joy doesn’t ask for grand gestures. It asks for our attention. Even in a world that can be messy, complicated, and at times painfully unfair, we can choose to notice these moments and let them touch us.
Listening to life
A few weeks earlier, while hiking in Scotland, I stopped on the path and simply listened. Shhhh… The birds singing in the trees. The wind moving through the grass. The river chattering over the rocks below. The soundscape of life carrying on, whether or not I paid attention.
And there I was, grateful to be in it. Grateful for creation, for the gift of being alive to hear it all. It cost nothing. It changed everything.
That’s the thing about joy. It hides in plain sight – in a smile, in birdsong, in the way the evening sun touches the living room wall just so. We miss it when we hurry. We find it when we notice. And noticing doesn’t mean life is perfect. It means we see the light even when shadows exist.
What emotional intelligence has to do with it
This is where emotional intelligence comes in. At its heart, emotional intelligence is about awareness – noticing what we feel, naming it, understanding it, so we can respond with intention instead of reacting on autopilot.
“At its heart, emotional intelligence is about awareness – noticing what we feel, naming it, understanding it, so we can respond with intention instead of reacting on autopilot.”
But it doesn’t stop with our inner world. As we become more attuned to ourselves, we become more attuned to life. We start to notice things – beauty, connection, gratitude – that were always there but drowned out by the noise of doing and achieving.
The more present we are, the richer life feels. Not because life is perfect, or because we have more, but because we see more – even amidst its challenges.
A gentle practice for everyday joy
Here’s what I’m learning, and maybe it will help you too:
Pause on purpose. Before you rush to the next thing, stop. Take one slow breath. Ask yourself: “What’s here right now?”
Name what you feel. Joy often hides behind other emotions. Naming both the hard and the beautiful moments helps you see them clearly.
Savour the small things. The smile of a loved one. The taste of your tea. The way sunlight lands across your kitchen table early in the morning.
Let gratitude rise naturally. Not as a chore, but as a quiet thankyou when life offers something lovely – a sound, a sight, a smile.
The more you notice, the more there is to be grateful for. And gratitude, I’m finding, is the soil where joy grows.
A note from Natalie…
Maybe today, you could pause just once. Notice something simple – a sound, a colour, a smile – and let yourself feel it fully before it passes.
Because joy is not in the having. It’s in the noticing. Even in an imperfect, challenging world, noticing is where we find it.
With warmth,
Natalie Kenely
About the author
Hi, I’m Natalie - a social worker by profession, a senior lecturer by trade, a writer by passion, and most recently, a grandmother (which might be my favourite title yet). I work in the world of emotional intelligence, not from a distance but from within it - through lived experience, professional practice, and everyday moments that continue to teach me. Thanks for reading - I’m glad you’re here.
You can follow Natalie Kenely on LinkedIn.
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